Paleo Diet – Like a Cave Person – Greg & Donny


LOOK AT DIS! YOU GOT NEW HEADPHONES? I FOUND EM ONNA GRAHND. I HOPE YOU WASHED EM. I WIPED EM ON MY JEANS. YOU FAHND SOMETHIN ONNA GRAHND AN
STUCK IT IN YER EARS WITAHT WASHIN IT? I WIPED EM OFF! YER ASKIN’ FER TROUBLE, DONNY.
WHAT IF SOMEONE TAINTED ‘EM ON PURPOSE?
WHAT DA HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU? HELL’S YER PROBLEM, GREG? I’M ALL SHAKY AN’ LIGHTHEADED. YOU HANGRY? YEAH, BUT I JUST ATE. MAYBE YOU DIDN’T EAT ENOUGH, GREG. I ATE A BUNCH.
IT DON’T MATTER HOW MUCH I EAT,
I STILL FILL DIS WAY. (TYPING) SAYS HERE YOU GOT CYANIDE POISONIN.’ NO ONE’S POISONED.
GINA GOT US DOIN’ ‘AT PALEO. PALEO? YEAH, PALEO. ‘S’AT ONE A ‘DEM FOOD FADS? YEP. AW GEEZ. IT AIN’T NO FAD, YOU TWO, IT WORKS. WHOA, HELL YOU DOIN? I’M ABAHT TA BANG OPEN ISS COCONUT. ARRIGHT, WHAT’S ISS PALEO? YA EAT LIKE YER A CAVE PERSON. A CAVE PERSON? YEAH, MEAT. VEGETABLES. NOTHIN ELSE. NUTS. NO PEANUTS THOUGH. PEANUTS AIN’T NUTS. PEANUTS AIN’T NUTS? NO, THEY’RE BEANS. YA CAN’T EAT BEANS? NO. HELL CAN’T YA EAT BEANS FOR? CAVEMEN WOULDN’T KNOW HOW TA EAT
BEANS, DONNY. THER TOO COMPLICATED. IT’S THE RIGHT WAY TA EAT. THER’S ALL KINDA INFORMATION ABAHT IT.
IT’S ALL ABAHT HOW DIS IS ‘A WAY
WE’RE SUPPOSED TA EAT. LIKE A CAVE PERSON? YES, DONNY.
MAYBE OPEN YER TINY LITTLE MIND UP
TA SOMETHIN’ NEW FER A CHANGE. CAVE PEOPLE WERE VERY WISE. I LIKE TA THINK ABAHT
WHAT IT’D BE LIKE TA BE A CAVE PERSON. LOOKIN’ UP AT DA STARS JUST WONDERIN.’ DO YA PUT DIRT IN IT?
CAUSE THERE WOULD BE DIRT IN ‘ERE FOOD. WE BETTER NOT BE PUTTIN’ DIRT IN IT, GINA. YA DON’T PUT DIRT IN IT! DO YOU EAT WITCHER FINGERS? NO, DONNY. DIS DON’T MAKE NO SENSE. YOU JUST DON’T EAT
WHAT A CAVEMAN WOULDN’T EAT. LIKE A GLASS A WINE? THEY COULDA HAD WINE. ALL YA GOTTA DO IS SMASH UP
A BUNCH A’ GRAPES
AN’ LET ‘EM GO BAD. YA CAN’T EAT STUFF LIKE BREAD N’AT. WHAT ABAHT NOODLES? NO NOODLES. HELL YOU TALKIN’ BAHT NO NOODLES? NO NOODLES. NOODLES’RE PART A DA FOOD PYRAMID. ‘AT FOOD PYRAMID’S A LIE. AW GEEZ. FER CRYIN’ AHT LAHD. ANYTHING YA’D GET FROM ‘AT STUFF
YA CAN GET FROM FAT INSTEAD. FAT? YEAH YOU GOTTA EAT A LOTTA FAT. BUT THEN YOU’LL GET FAT. FAT DON’T MAKE YA FAT. FAT DON’T MAKE YA FAT? NOPE. DAT DON’T EVEN MAKE NO SENSE.
FAT’S FAT BUT YER SAYIN’
FAT DON’T MAKE YA FAT. FAT DON’T MAKE YA FAT. (LAUGHS CONDESCENDINGLY)
OH, DONNY. PROCESSED FOODS AN’ GRAINS AN’ SUGAR
IS WHAT MAKES YA FAT. BUT NOBODY KNOWS THIS
‘CAUSE THE SUGAR COMPANIES
BEEN PAYIN’ PEOPLE TA MAKE YA THINK IT WAS FAT
MAKIN’ PEOPLE FAT
WHEN IT NEVER WAS. NAH YER SOUNDIN’ LIKE WHO SHOT JFK. I DON’T GOT DA TIME OR DA PATIENCE
TA EXPLAIN TA YOU DAT EVERYTHING
YOU KNOW IS WRONG. I’M GETTIN’ DINNER STARTED. WE JUST GOT DONE LUNCH. IT TAKES TIME TA MAKE ISS STUFF, GREG. SO WE’RE JUST GONNA BE MAKIN FOOD.
ALL DA TIME.
FER DA REST OF OUR LIVES. IT’LL GET QUICKER. HOW LONG YOU THINK SHE’S GONNA
MAKE US DO DIS? UH, I GIVE IT ABAHT 10 SECONDS. [LOUD NOISES] AW, HELL WIT DIS!
GREGGY, ORDER ME A PIZZA FROM SANTOS! DAT WAS MORE LIKE 5. YOU CAN’T WEAR THAT, I’M WEARING THAT. IT’S DIFFERENT.

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